When February Ends

february will end in 2 days time. a lot of things already happen this month. love + hate + arguments + work + all sorts of feelings it all came at once. there are times when i feel like soo in love, and there are times when i feel so lonely. missing hubby everyday is the worse pain i ever felt. i know i sound so pathetic in love, but the facts and reality and the truth is i do love him as much as i love my loved ones. everyone i care. and i give additional love more to him then to others :)

i was having a good time with my hubby whenever he's around me. but when he's far away from me, there's always the 'small arguments' happen. i keep on asking myself why should i have this kind of feeling? supposed the feeling of 'missing each other' should be there. or maybe i'm the one having problems handling myself from feeling jealous?? i can't deny that. my jealousy sometimes is seriously killing me all the time. i need more trust in him. and i should let go of my past completely.

honestly, i just need his attention. as long as he remembers me then im fine with it. maybe im used to be pampered previously. morning, afternoon and nite.. ahh~~ what am i thinkinh now? we're planning our 'very-important-day' now.. and looking forward to it. hoping it could be done soon as possible. so that all that crosses my mind will erase everything.

i believe life has its own ups and downs. same goes to my love life and same goes to my working life too. i begin to know each of my colleague's character well enough. but who am i to judge them? im not perfect enough too. day by day, it all seems to be clear. each person has their own personality. i found out some of them are wearing 'mask' to cover the real them. hmmm~~ have to be careful with that kind of person.

have to stop now. will update more when i have the time. can't wait to meet hubby tonight :D

Why?

wondering why is it happening to me.


bored and fed up. confused.


i don't know..


guess silence is the best way to cure everything.
arguments is just a waste of time.

Happy Valentines and Gong Xi Fa Cai

14th february.. the day when the cupid start to work their magic wonder for those who are celebrating valentines. this year, chinese new year also happens to fall on the same day. as for me, celebrating valentines with my baby bruno as hubby is far away. sigh~ in few hours will be going back to kota belud with mum.

no calls and messages from hubby yet.. nvm, i'll just have to wait now. i'm getting to know his characters.. from good to bad, i still accept him for who he is. that is part of life, cos no one's perfect. and im far from perfection too.

have to get ready now. mum's waiting for me.

oh.. by the way..

happy valentines day and gong xi fa cai to you!

My New Baby

last wednesday, hubby and i took a male puppy from my PK 1. he (replaced 'it' to 'he' cos he's my baby after all.. ngeheh~) was sooo adorable. hubby came to pick me up from school and we brought him back to my place. on our way back, he was so quiet inside the box. didn't make a sound at all. i was a bit worried, luckily he was just fine..

reaching town, we stopped by at the chicken rice shop for a take-away lunch. hubby decided to buy his bathing stuff while waiting for me to finish up my assignments.

late evening, we went out to buy his milk, foods and towels.. he's kinda fussy, needs attention all the time and always wants someone to be by his side. after all, he's still a baby boy (?) sure it'll be ok after few months =)

baby Bruno and I.. isn't he adorable =)

Hanging Lose

it's been 28 years and 10 days i officially turned 28 this year. it was a sad moment for me as i didn't celebrate the occasion with him. i understand, he was away from me on job purpose. but what i can't understand is his attention and affection towards me. is it just for the sake of being with me, just love or is there something else i can't discover? i tried hard not to think too much about it. maybe for some, it's not a big deal. but for me, it is seriously a big deal. my relationship is my top priority besides family and friends.. additional to it, it was like an ordinary day for him where i was hoping it to be special. sigh~~ i just don't understand..

CNY is just around the corner. he'll be leaving again on that day.. and to make things worse (for me), it falls on Valentines Day. our 1st V-Day will not be spent together.. and what's next? 1st anniversary? just couldn't bear being far away from him. it's like a bad trauma for me being far far away from my hubby. i don't want repetition to happen again. it really hurts me. and it's still haunting me.

guess i'll just end up staying at home during this holiday. rather than seeing others happy with their loved ones.. cos i'll feel jealous badly. ngaaa~~ im happy seeing others happy, but im afraid i'll break down and cry cos i'll be missing him badly. call me hopeless romantic, i am one of them. pathetic in love. emotionaly in love.

im trying to understand him day by day. sometimes he's so unpredictable to be understood. just like me i guess. i don't know what i want from him. i think he's given everything he have (or certain things not to be shared?) i think i've been pushing him to the max. i think i need a good treatment for this traumaphobia. i need something that can help me to relax and stop thinking too much.

to summarize the whole story, i'm just upset over small things. which leads me to another and another phase that creates a chain of story. my sensitivity is killing me. my feelings need to be poured out. there are certain things i can't share with him, cos he will never understand. i hope one day, he'll realize that i can be very fragile at certain things. i don't want to say much, i don't want to argue over small things. i do really love him for who he is. as i know i'm not that perferct enough for him. but i'm trying my best to be his best soulmate he ever had!

guess life is so unpredictable which makes it exciting to experience it!!